Sunday, December 17, 2006

elaboration on earlier:

Relatively boring week. I'm getting annoyed because, my bad, I'm sorry, but I didn't realize that my hair was so short to get all the comments it has been at school. I mean, FFS, do people have nothing better to say?! One girl in my weights class, who I used to consider a pretty good friend, has CONSTANTLY been saying "yeah well at least I don't look like a boy, Michelle!"

And I'm really sorry but it leaves me wanting to say "Yeah well at least I don't look like I got kicked in the face by a horse" or something equally mean, just because there's only so much grin-and-bear it I can do. There's a really fine line between not being walked all over and being a bitch, and the way I tend to do things is that it builds up and them some really tiny thing sets me off screaming and everybody gives me the "what the hell did you just freak out for" look. I'm just tired of it.

I mentioned to Jessica what the girl keeps saying. Her response "Well, people just don't get that sometimes you want to get a weird haircut and sometimes it turns out bad."

gee. Thanks. I mean, normally I'd not mention her name, but I'm just getting sick of her shit in general and she doesn't read this blog, so hey why not? I spend 2-3 hours making a shirt that I wore last weekend to work with a plaid skirt, fishnets, and non-heeled boots from Journey's..."What are you wearing? You look like a hooker!" I'm getting sick of the "oh I'm such a rebel, I'm so different" bull when all she does is desperately try to fit into the stoner-rebel mold instead of the brainless-prep mold. I'm getting sick of the acting incredibly different around different people thing. I'm getting really sick of not ever hearing anything good about my hair or clothes or whatever. And of hearing "oh well I was just giving you my OPINION that's what good friends DO" on the rare occassions I do say something about it; no, giving your opinion in a rude way WHEN IT WAS NOT ASKED FOR is not something friends do, I don't randomly go "those boots look HIDEOUS" because if the person wearing them likes them, then why do I have to bring them down?

Amy asked me at work;

"You know what I wonder, Michelle? I wonder why you let people treat you so poorly."

And I don't have a good answer but I don't have a solution either. Is it worth saying anything to deal with the repercussions and the awkward moments and everything? I'm just trying to stick it out 'til the end of this year, and I'm not entirely sure why I'm looking forward to that because I don't have anyone to room with or anything, Alicia's moving and she's the only person I honestly feel like I can trust, I have a few other so-so friends but everyone's too caught up in their own stuff to care. I wish I didn't have to have that Weights class. I wish, I know it's supposed to be the working for things that makes them worth having, or whatever, but I wish I could just go to sleep, and wake up, and have everything how I want it. 'Cause as is, I'm so tired of fighting with it and wasting my time all of this completely boring useless mundane BULLSHIT, that I just want to go to sleep for a long time anyways.

Also wondering why I'm taking the time and effort to hand-make almost everyone's gifts when most likely they'd probably prefer some mass-merchandised POS anyways.

1 Comments:

Anonymous .ck. said...

I had(ve) an incredibly brilliant Christmas present for you. Only, I sort of can't give it to you tomorrow because I'm currently buried up to my ears. Regardless, it is brilliant (so long as it works). And it's hand made, well sort of; mass-merchandised my ass because, no one else brainpools my genius.

Here's a thought, become complacent and stop standing out. Then people won't make comments to you, or feel the need to step on you for being bold.

*ducks*

because if you murder me, my dry and sarcastic wit goes too. or lack of wit. Hah. Nyeh...

I'm having a wonderfully fantastic time with my english final right now. my brain is bleeding. I'm letting it seep out over here. Talk to you tomorrow, or as it may be, by the time you read this, I've *already* talked to you tomorrow...

9:39 PM

 

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