blah...bad night, bad mood. (warning ya right here: bitchy post ahead) or I guess it wasn't so bad. I don't know. I just get sick of it, all of it, no matter what I don't fit in at all anywhere, everyone else has their cliques and their couples and no matter what I do I can't even hang out with them without feeling like the freak, the third/fifth/umpteenth odd wheel, I don't hardly get along with anyone my age but nobody older is like "whoo, yeah, let's hang out with the kid who's still in high school" (and looking around, I really can't blame them), so here I am, always on the outside, always without anyone, anyone who understands me or gets what I'm saying or can actually accept the fact that hey, every once in a while I want to dress edgy, and not call me a &^$#ing hooker, or give me shit about my clothes, or ANYTHING, I don't even mean boyfriend, just a FRIEND, I'm just sick of all of this...I don't think anyone means to but I always feel like I'm the toilet paper stuck on someone's shoe, as soon as they notice I'm around they try and shake me off, I'm the disposa-friend, hang out with me when *you* want to but if *I* want to do anything, no way jose, and the people that you think listen or care, but no, they just want things from you, which is obvious when they stop talking to you when you make it clear that they aren't getting it, and you thought they were your friend, but nope. I'm just sick of all these people who up and stop talking to me, rubbing salt into that one big wound when you'd think they'd know better, and wondering if I just give off some "hey, treat me like crap, no really, I'll grin and bear it!" vibe or something. I'm sick of everyone's immaturity, I try not to be oversensitive but sometimes people just say these things and I can't take it any way and I get annoyed, yeah sorry, it's not funny when you state the obvious about my eyeshadow or clothes or body features (especially for the fiftieth time in a FREAKING HOUR), and everyone jokes about these and other things and doesn't realize that on the occasions where it doesn't annoy me, it hurts. But maybe I'm just misinterpreting everyone, or being oversensitive. I guess I don't take being blown off very well, even if it was a long time ago...I don't know. And if I'm not being blown off by one person, it's somebody else, in a new and creative way. I'm sick of all of this. And it seems like there's no point in even hoping for anything to change, because it never does. I'm like the kid who's always screwed at musical chairs, haha.
In between work and AQT, my weekend's pretty much blown. as was last weekend. fun shit. I should have just stayed home tonight, because I probably would have gone to bed in a much better mood. brighter note: sold something at my etsy store, the rainbow hat.
Day out, day in
and begin again
olly olly oxen free