haha.

ohh yeah, I have a blog don't I? haha.

Uhmm...events to blog about. I got in a car wreck last Wednesday, it sucked hardcore and my neck is still a little stiff because of it. We need a new car now. Maybe my mom and I should never ride together in a car again....

I *just* finished ripping all of my CDs on to my computer...you know...the ones I bought like 3 months ago. heh, and now I have some 3 or so comps from Hastings that I haven't ripped yet. AND at some point I need to start putting all of this on to my laptop. Maybe then I can burn a mix cd without putting fifty in our cd-drive, since something about the drivers are all messed up.

This guy came in yesterday Journey's that was HILARIOUS. He walked in the store and immediately starts singing at the top of his lungs. Very, very loudly. And his friend was obviously embarrassed by this - "yeah, he's a singer". Singing guy (by the name of Mathew) was telling Amy how his 'indie-alternative' band has signed to a record label. He was also flirting with me hardcore. It was pretty funny, I laughed.

I went by Shake's today to get my check and ask when I worked this week - there's like three managers there, and one of them had told me that I worked 5-10 yesterday. But I wasn't on the schedule for this week at all. So, Mary tells me that I can call Amy tomorrow and get that sorted out, and asked when I was moving again - I told her that the last week I should be on the schedule would probably be the last week in June or the first week in July. After this I leave, go run some other errands, and then go to the mall to talk to Amy about something, and I get a phone call. It's Mary, and she's like "well, if you don't have a problem with it, we're just not going to put you back on the schedule since you're leaving so soon and it's hardly worth the trouble."

haha, I got let go! Oh well. Now I have real incentive to start working on my etsy shop. At the very least, I have one plain jacket that just needs stencilled on, one jacket that needs dyed and then stencilled on, and some destashing of yarn to do. That should all be relatively painless to list. And then dig through all of my thrifted clothes I have laying around and start working on those too. And at some point, I need to bag up a ton of stuff and send it off to goodwill. AND properly clean my room, since it'll probably be a pain to move everything if it's all messy. blah. So, my to-do list for this week:

-list destash yarn, whether on etsy or the destash blog, whatever
-list jacket
-finish x-ray spex shirt, for me
-finish rainbow messenger bag that is taking FOR FREAKING EVER, special order
-get extra crap to goodwill.

Maybe if I have a list that'll make it easier to get it all done. baby steps...

ARGH.

I got hired at Shake's. and maybe I'm just a wuss but I'm kind of dreading going back later today. Urgh. Especially since I'm going to the movies afterwards with Alicia, and I'm probably going to have to run home in between to shower or something, or else be stick all over and have major hat-hair.

What makes it worse is that I just set up an interview at Pac Sun. And, of course, I don't know if I'll get the job or not...but...a job at Pac Sun sounds a helluva lot better than food service. But I don't want to quit after only working two shifts. But but but...

blah.

so Alicia's long and rambly post got me thinking long and rambly (damn you Alicia). It's interesting how far I've come or how much I've changed since high school started. I used to be SO insecure. And since about sixth grade, there was always at least one friend in my group that wasn't really a friend. Actually, that started with LeAnn in third grade...then it was Stacia in middle school until we had that falling out, then it was LeAnn and Thia in freshman year, until we had THAT falling out, and I was so upset because I had all these classes with them and I had to ignore them and their constant snide remarks. And I had thought they were my best friends, hah. I remember Thia getting up in my face in science class and not one of my friends stuck up for me. I remember when they got over it randomly at the beginning of sophomore year and I was torn between being really really angry at them and wanting their approval again. For some unknown reason. Alex moving didn't help with me being upset during freshman year, either. Alicia was there and was really my only friend through a lot of it. At the beginning of sophomore year I started being friends with Jessica, we used to be SUCH good friends. I started being better friends with LeAnn again too...I dunno if I'll ever trust her again after all that crap she pulled, but she's grown up a lot now. Stacia too.

I remember, though this is going back and forth now, in like...seventh or eighth grade, when I realized that things I always took for granted (like, for example, equal rights for everyone, regardless of race/sex/orientation/religion etc.) were NOT something everyone believed in. I remember hearing the phrase "gay rights" and honest-to-goodness thinking it was some kind of joke because why would gay people have any less rights than the rest of us? And I ended up arguing with everyone for the rest of my career at Diamond, haha.

And sophomore and junior year are just kind of blurs. Spencer and his whiny depressiveness after we broke up, a lot of painful not-knowing-where-I-am-ness...somewhere in this I discovered the Clash, and a lot of the other music I listen to now. It sounds so so SO corny, but I can't even describe how much of an influence punk and ska music has been to me. It makes up a lot of who I am now. To know that at some point somewhere else someone had thought exactly what I was thinking and put it to music, music that anyone could play or sing along to no matter who they were or how much musical knowledge they had, music that spoke to me and said "HEY! Listen up!" and smacked me across the face with the loud anger of it all, music that was my anger at injustice, my passion (two things I feel are big important parts of me), put into form; that music gave me hope and direction and the knowledge that I wasn't the only one that felt that way, and I will never, ever forget it. Music is so important to me.

And it was in the middle of junior year that I started making/stencilling my own clothes...another thing that's so important to me for reasons I can't even put into words. I know a lot of people don't view it the same way as I do, but to me, clothes are an extension of who I am, they're the part of me that I can easily show the world, they're things that I spend hours making, art that everyone can take part in and enjoy without having to pay to see a gallery.

Summer b/t junior and senior year...ahh...a lot of restlessness, and another blow to my self-esteem at the very end of it. The next two months were just like, hit after hit to my self esteem, due to the fact that I seem to attract either commitment-phobes or people who are gay and just don't know it yet, heh. I got so annoyed I was just like, screw it. And somewhere in here, came the realization that Jessica and I weren't the friends we used to be, because she'd started changing, or maybe she hadn't and I did, but either way, it's come to the point now where I'm biting my tongue more than I'm not, and I don't think that's a healthy sign in any relationship...especially when she never bites her tongue to keep from saying rude things to me, or if she does she tells me about it later.

I think that, though a lot of me hasn't changed, I know that there are times and places to argue now, and I'm a LOT more confident than I used to be. I used to always be looking to my friends for approval and now I can honestly say if someone tells me they don't like me or what I listen to or what I'm wearing, I can shrug and say "yeah, your opinion doesn't matter to me.". Does that make me a bitch? Maybe in a society where any sign of confidence is immediately hailed as arrogance and conceit, I get comments any time body image comes up because I'm like "you know, I don't really have a problem with my body. I love the way I look and I'm happy with myself." Yeah sure, there are things that aren't perfect about me, but that's because I'm human and not some glossed-over-photoshopped picture. And I love my imperfections right up there with my perfections, wouldn't change 'em for the world.

anyways...

project graduation was fun, minus a few parts. the place we were at (Celebration Station in Tulsa) had this kind of creepy carnival-esque vibe...it probably wouldn't have been so bad in daylight, but when it was dark outside and there's this big stuffed animals hanging from the ceiling randomly, all these arcade games going off constantly in the relative silence, and these HUGE reallyfreakingcreepy animatronic stuffed animals singing...yeah, it was really easy to imagine the whole thing turning into a slasher where we got locked inside and the stuffed animals came to life and killed us all one by one after we illogically split up.

the go-kart track was LOADS of fun though. I probably spent the most time on it. I had Alicia as my passenger one round and probably scared the living crap out of her haha.

I'm so glad, though. Like...there's maybe 3-4 people that I'll really miss from Diamond. I'm sure there's more, that Ryan's yoda antics will make me miss him a bit from time to time...but really truly miss? yeah, 3-4 people. And I'm moving and I am SO excited about it!

New hair as of Wednesday night:



I love it. And I was surprised, because I was waiting on hearing lots of snide comments at school on Thursday...maybe they were just being nice since it was my last day, but I got nothing except for nice comments. Even from people who don't normally have a lot of nice things to say to me.

AND I CAN TOTALLY PUT IT IN A MOHAWK. hahaha! I did for project graduation.

The only thing is that I wish I would have had time to paint my senior tile for art. I was going to put a picture of the confederate flag and "you lost, get over it" around it. But I was too busy finishing my comic book panel sketch from Fray to rile up the hicks one last time. Oh well, my comic book panel sketch is worth it.

I was a bit irritated - went to the mall with Casey and Alicia on Thursday to try on this pair of mary-jane docs I'd been debating on buying. I finally decided I wanted them yesterday and went to buy them with some graduation money...yeaaaah, they got transferred out on Friday. So now I have to drive to Springfield to get them >_<

hrmm I think I'm out...off to work before too long, at the custard place *sigh*

ahhh...what a great weekend. the best in a looooong time!

starting off with Friday...a half day...which is definitely a good thing. Mrs. Culp brought her ferret to class and it was FREAKING ADORABLE. see how cute?





yeah. I swear their spines are like...made of jello or something. I didn't expect it to be so freakin' flexible! sheesh!

Anyways, right after fourth hour, Alex shows up. BUT the secretary wouldn't let her talk to us. 'cause you know, it's bad or something. whatever.

oh yeah, and I thought it was funny...I still needed a prom date, so I called over Travis(younger guy friend) during lunch.

"Hey Travvy, has anyone asked you to prom yet?"
"Yeah..."
"Crap, I need someone who will wear a black and red tux to go with me and I can't think of anyone!"
"Oh, I turned them down. But I'll go with you if you want."

because I am just that cool. (and um, 'cause I have cool friends and all)

so we talked for a while after we got out of school and then I headed home, got the mail and packed some clothes, and we met up at the hotel room. we all messed around on the insanely fast wifi internet (at least, it was insanely fast to I of the very slow dialup internet). 'cause we're all dorks like that. Lydia showed up and we went to the movie theatres...the original plan was to see Meet the Robinsons, but we saw TMNT instead, since I was the only one who had already seen it. And it was just as cool the second time around haha. I swear I'm going to buy it the DAY it comes out on dvd.

We went and ate at Bob Evans, and then went back to the hotel room...then went and dropped off some stuff for Matthew. Then to Local Chaos for Cinna's CD release show, which was great! We missed the Rats, which I was disappointed about...really wanted to hear them...but The High and Lonesome is great, and Cinna was as great as usual. We left a little early though because the cigarette smoke was freakin' killing us (my throat is still kinda sore). Said hi to a few other friends, and then we went back to the hotel room for some more hanging out. I forgot how relaxing just being around friends without doing anything can be. We finally fell asleep at like, three, and I woke up around nine...since my cell phone was dead, I went home to charge it and shower/change (which involved driving in pouring rain without windshield wipers, NOT fun in case anyone was wondering). After a while the rain just went away, and everything was all gorgeous and shiny and green (y'know, the way it looks after it rains and the sun comes out). We went up to Springfield...we drove around for a while, mildly lost, and then found Good Girl Art. We parked by it, went in and looked around a bit, and then walked up to Stick It In Your Ear. Before we got there though, we walked into this indoor flea market that had a TON of classic rock vinyl (Alicia got a good haul, none of it was really my thing...I saw a Sid and Nancy soundtrack single, but it was like $6 and I was like...naaaah) and some interesting vintage clothes...then we ate at Nonna's, which was SO good and pretty cheap for a non-franchise restaurant. Then we actually went to Stick It In Your Ear, where I got How to Clean Everything by Propagandhi. After that, we headed homewards...and apparently I was more tired than I realized:



haha. how cute right? I didn't even realize I fell asleep, I was trying not to 'cause I wanted to keep Alex company. And then the next thing I knew I was opening my eyes going 'huh, what, where are we?'. I stopped by home, where I found out my CDs came in (good on you Interpunk! fast shipping!):



(this is my CD haul of the weekend)

I'm still working through them, obviously. So far I've listened to the Soviettes LP III (kickass, they've been added to my list of bands I want to see live this summer), The Briefs Sex Objects (also great, they were already on the list), and about half of the Slapstick s/t. (also...great...surprise surprise). I'm taking a break and listening to some of the music I downloaded at Alex's hotel room (a lot of Adolescents, Gogol Bordello, the Runaways, the Cramps, some HorrorPops and Towers of London...and Black Betty since I'd had it stuck in my head from TMNT) right now, because after a while all of the music starts to blur together and I end up not getting a great impression of the CD. I'm happier with this order so far than the one from Best Buy (which was Pure Mania by the Vibrators, Damned Damned Damned by the Damned, and Germ-Free Adolescents by X-Ray Spex). I loved the XRS cd, but the other two didn't leave much of an impression. Maybe they'll take a listen or two to sink in. I hope so.

ANYWAYS...back to the rest of my weekend...we chilled at the hotel room, went and said hi to my peeps at the mall (which was mostly Chris, Jesse, and Heath), brushed by the Bridge to show it to Alex...but it was overrun with 12 year olds so we went back to the hotel room and ordered pizza. (oh yeah, somewhere in here, Levi and his friend Chris met up with us...err...at the mall, that was it), more hanging out, and then I went home. And realized on my driveway that I'd left my &*%$ing pillows at Alex's hotel room...good thing Logan wasn't home so I could use his!

The only bad part of the weekend was that I woke up this morning to a voicemail from Alex saying she'd already left. But it was totally understandable, one of her friends is in the hospital. At least we didn't have to do the teary goodbye, I know I would have bawled like a baby haha.

So now I'm sitting here feeling the most content I have in a while, listening to some great music (I think I'm going to have to buy the Towers of London CD), and contemplating that I don't really want to go to school tomorrow. At least by then my eyeshadow and grommet tape should be in (I have some really great shirt ideas waiting to be made).

Heath is leaving Journey's, and that makes me really really sad. I'm not as upset as I was at first...he's promised that we'll still talk and hang out and stuff. Heath and Amy really are more than just managers to me...I love 'em to death (and always end up asking them for advice too). so it means a lot to me that we'll still hang out. There's not very many people I'm going to miss when I move to Springfield, and those two are definitely on the list. (which, btw, I really can't wait to move haha).

Here's some random pictures from this weekend, for your entertainment:





the only picture of me making a dorky face I've ever seen and liked haha. These are all off Alex's camera...I'm sure Alicia's got a lot more I might end up posting later.





And I was afraid there might be some awkwardness with Alex coming back since we hadn't seen her in so long. But nope, it was (to use an extreme cliche) JUST like old times. Better, even. I'm gonna miss her 'til she comes back up here.

oh yeah, and I need to call Cory about getting a touch-up on my tattoo. *makes note*

there's my weekend...in a really, really big nutshell. a mutant walnut nutshell.

So I go to Michael's on Thursday, and I'm looking at the magazines (can't find knit.1). This girl who works there glances at me and goes "man, you're here all the time aren't you?" (which made me laugh) I go back and see the sale yarn, and grab a skein each of black and blue merino wool to make a stripey scarf and hat with. Friday, I go to Springfield to check out Simply Fibers, which is pretty cool - and the lady who works there is totally friendly, unlike the lady at the Needle Niche (what a freakin' snob). After I left there, I went to the Thread Peddler, or what used to be that store, as apparently it got closed down. Pointless detour. Randomly wander around Springfield for a while, go in a big circle, and find their Hobby Lobby completely by accident. Buy some clearance yarn and chocolate. I went home, and decided to go straight to Joplin to just get some more of the merino for the aforementioned sweater...the same girl is working. I walk up to the register with five more balls of wool...she looks at me and says "you're an addict, you have a problem".

That cracks me up.

I managed to find knit.1 at Hastings today, and at the same time stumbled across this 'zine called Razorcake, which was only $4 and looks fan-freaking-tastic. 'a non-profit magazine to cover independent and underground music'. Maybe it'll be a decent replacement for AMP, which has swiftly gone downhill in my opinion. I mean, the columns are still ok, but they went from covering NOFX and the like, to My Chemical Romance...who seem like nice guys, but c'mon, not my thing.

I still need to order the Denise set - the store in Springfield apparently doesn't carry them, will just order them in. Phooey. and the mohair yarn to crochet my sweater with.

Speaking of which, this annoys me. Not so much the actual post as the comments. Like people never knit anything ugly, oh no. It's always crocheted. Esp. the post about how crochet is only either tasteless or classy. Gag me, what a bunch of snobs. (not that anyone besides me is really going to care at all, but y'know)

I feel like CRAP. Again! It's not fair. I am so totally and unbelievably ready for summer, or spring at least.