so...

since Thursday, I have applied at nine places (seven of those were today)

Sephora, Starbucks, Panera, some sampling business, some merchandising place, Best Buy, Kaldi's (local coffeehouse), Best Western, and another hotel that I forgot the name of.

I reeeeeally want the job at Sephora. that would be amazing and good experience to have and I bet it pays decent.

And I think a front desk job at a hotel would be convenient, since that's a 24 hour deal. Probably wouldn't be too hard to work around my college hours anyways, and I normally stay up pretty late so. Maybe I could manage to do all three...if I got the Sephora job and hotel job, I'd actually probably quit HT. It wouldn't be worth the hassle I think, and a few of the people there have been really rude to me.

Buuuuut Sephora and Starbucks both did the 'we're going to review applications and then call those people who match our criteria' line when I called back on my apps, so there's a decent chance I'll never hear from either of them. (Maybe Sephora. since I have a good sales/retail background.)

The last week and a half or so I have been having AWFUL mood swings. We're talking, I've burst into tears 3-4 times, I'll get either raging pissed off or extremely frustrated, and an hour or two later I'm FINE. And wondering what I was so upset about. It is supremely annoying, and then I get frustrated and upset because I am not in control of my emotions in the slightest, and that just makes things worse. I have a doctor's appointment on Wednesday and sadly enough, I'm almost happy about it (although if they can't figure out what it is it'll probably make me frustrated again). It can't be PMS, that feels different. I dunno. Hopefully something will get resolved.

yeah that's really all I got :P

ARGH, I am so sick of people around here. I can't wait to move.

Annoyance/anger aside, POTC 3 is tomorrow - and I am EXCITED YAY. Outfit all ready to go and everything - just need to grab some stuff to change into, since I didn't want to wear high-heeled boots all night at work. I was just going to change into some black converse, but I figured that would probably just make me look like some kind of freaky hippy. hence, the full change of clothes.

I think as far as the job stuff goes, as much as I hate Shake's, I'm going to stay there and only work a few days a week. hopefully not with the crazy bitch girl. and try and focus on my etsy store too. Anddd, starting at the very end of May, I am going to try VERY hard to not spend money on ANYTHING that isn't essential. (so basically, all I'll spend money on is gas haha) For the entire month of June (and probably until I move). I dunno how well I'll rise to the challenge, but I'm going to try dangit!

So with some of my graduation money (mostly, the refund from the camera), I kind of went on a book buying spree. Sort of. Maybe.

The Starving Artist's Way, Fruits and Fresh Fruits (the mentioned way before Japanese street fashion books - they JUST got here and I literally squealed a little bit), Crochet Couture, a book about Egyptian Mythology, a book by Diane Sylvan, and Sniffin Glue (a book on punk that also has the collected reprinted zine issues by the same name).

My goal now is to spend as little money as possible until I move, since I'm quitting Shake's (hopefully today), and might not get another job - I think I might just try focusing on my etsy store and flea-marketing/garage-saling for random stuff to resale on eBay. See how that goes.

Anyways I'm almost late for a Pac Sun interview so yeah

yeeeaah...

I set up an interview at Pac Sun for Wednesday at three.

Everyone at Shake's was way rude to me today. and another new girl was getting the same treatment I was (especially from the girl who was WAY rude to me and kept treating me like an idiot, both days). And they expect you to be on call almost any day you're off but don't pay you for it, expect you to keep your plans free.

Sorry...no thanks!

Cross your fingers that I get the job at PS so I can quit there!

ARGH.

I got hired at Shake's. and maybe I'm just a wuss but I'm kind of dreading going back later today. Urgh. Especially since I'm going to the movies afterwards with Alicia, and I'm probably going to have to run home in between to shower or something, or else be stick all over and have major hat-hair.

What makes it worse is that I just set up an interview at Pac Sun. And, of course, I don't know if I'll get the job or not...but...a job at Pac Sun sounds a helluva lot better than food service. But I don't want to quit after only working two shifts. But but but...

blah.

so Alicia's long and rambly post got me thinking long and rambly (damn you Alicia). It's interesting how far I've come or how much I've changed since high school started. I used to be SO insecure. And since about sixth grade, there was always at least one friend in my group that wasn't really a friend. Actually, that started with LeAnn in third grade...then it was Stacia in middle school until we had that falling out, then it was LeAnn and Thia in freshman year, until we had THAT falling out, and I was so upset because I had all these classes with them and I had to ignore them and their constant snide remarks. And I had thought they were my best friends, hah. I remember Thia getting up in my face in science class and not one of my friends stuck up for me. I remember when they got over it randomly at the beginning of sophomore year and I was torn between being really really angry at them and wanting their approval again. For some unknown reason. Alex moving didn't help with me being upset during freshman year, either. Alicia was there and was really my only friend through a lot of it. At the beginning of sophomore year I started being friends with Jessica, we used to be SUCH good friends. I started being better friends with LeAnn again too...I dunno if I'll ever trust her again after all that crap she pulled, but she's grown up a lot now. Stacia too.

I remember, though this is going back and forth now, in like...seventh or eighth grade, when I realized that things I always took for granted (like, for example, equal rights for everyone, regardless of race/sex/orientation/religion etc.) were NOT something everyone believed in. I remember hearing the phrase "gay rights" and honest-to-goodness thinking it was some kind of joke because why would gay people have any less rights than the rest of us? And I ended up arguing with everyone for the rest of my career at Diamond, haha.

And sophomore and junior year are just kind of blurs. Spencer and his whiny depressiveness after we broke up, a lot of painful not-knowing-where-I-am-ness...somewhere in this I discovered the Clash, and a lot of the other music I listen to now. It sounds so so SO corny, but I can't even describe how much of an influence punk and ska music has been to me. It makes up a lot of who I am now. To know that at some point somewhere else someone had thought exactly what I was thinking and put it to music, music that anyone could play or sing along to no matter who they were or how much musical knowledge they had, music that spoke to me and said "HEY! Listen up!" and smacked me across the face with the loud anger of it all, music that was my anger at injustice, my passion (two things I feel are big important parts of me), put into form; that music gave me hope and direction and the knowledge that I wasn't the only one that felt that way, and I will never, ever forget it. Music is so important to me.

And it was in the middle of junior year that I started making/stencilling my own clothes...another thing that's so important to me for reasons I can't even put into words. I know a lot of people don't view it the same way as I do, but to me, clothes are an extension of who I am, they're the part of me that I can easily show the world, they're things that I spend hours making, art that everyone can take part in and enjoy without having to pay to see a gallery.

Summer b/t junior and senior year...ahh...a lot of restlessness, and another blow to my self-esteem at the very end of it. The next two months were just like, hit after hit to my self esteem, due to the fact that I seem to attract either commitment-phobes or people who are gay and just don't know it yet, heh. I got so annoyed I was just like, screw it. And somewhere in here, came the realization that Jessica and I weren't the friends we used to be, because she'd started changing, or maybe she hadn't and I did, but either way, it's come to the point now where I'm biting my tongue more than I'm not, and I don't think that's a healthy sign in any relationship...especially when she never bites her tongue to keep from saying rude things to me, or if she does she tells me about it later.

I think that, though a lot of me hasn't changed, I know that there are times and places to argue now, and I'm a LOT more confident than I used to be. I used to always be looking to my friends for approval and now I can honestly say if someone tells me they don't like me or what I listen to or what I'm wearing, I can shrug and say "yeah, your opinion doesn't matter to me.". Does that make me a bitch? Maybe in a society where any sign of confidence is immediately hailed as arrogance and conceit, I get comments any time body image comes up because I'm like "you know, I don't really have a problem with my body. I love the way I look and I'm happy with myself." Yeah sure, there are things that aren't perfect about me, but that's because I'm human and not some glossed-over-photoshopped picture. And I love my imperfections right up there with my perfections, wouldn't change 'em for the world.

anyways...

project graduation was fun, minus a few parts. the place we were at (Celebration Station in Tulsa) had this kind of creepy carnival-esque vibe...it probably wouldn't have been so bad in daylight, but when it was dark outside and there's this big stuffed animals hanging from the ceiling randomly, all these arcade games going off constantly in the relative silence, and these HUGE reallyfreakingcreepy animatronic stuffed animals singing...yeah, it was really easy to imagine the whole thing turning into a slasher where we got locked inside and the stuffed animals came to life and killed us all one by one after we illogically split up.

the go-kart track was LOADS of fun though. I probably spent the most time on it. I had Alicia as my passenger one round and probably scared the living crap out of her haha.

I'm so glad, though. Like...there's maybe 3-4 people that I'll really miss from Diamond. I'm sure there's more, that Ryan's yoda antics will make me miss him a bit from time to time...but really truly miss? yeah, 3-4 people. And I'm moving and I am SO excited about it!

New hair as of Wednesday night:



I love it. And I was surprised, because I was waiting on hearing lots of snide comments at school on Thursday...maybe they were just being nice since it was my last day, but I got nothing except for nice comments. Even from people who don't normally have a lot of nice things to say to me.

AND I CAN TOTALLY PUT IT IN A MOHAWK. hahaha! I did for project graduation.

The only thing is that I wish I would have had time to paint my senior tile for art. I was going to put a picture of the confederate flag and "you lost, get over it" around it. But I was too busy finishing my comic book panel sketch from Fray to rile up the hicks one last time. Oh well, my comic book panel sketch is worth it.

I was a bit irritated - went to the mall with Casey and Alicia on Thursday to try on this pair of mary-jane docs I'd been debating on buying. I finally decided I wanted them yesterday and went to buy them with some graduation money...yeaaaah, they got transferred out on Friday. So now I have to drive to Springfield to get them >_<

hrmm I think I'm out...off to work before too long, at the custard place *sigh*

ok. so this makes me a massive, massive dork and I don't even care. that chick I bought the kryolan makeup off of, on eBay - aka this lady - we got to talking while I was asking her about the stuff getting here in the freakish shipping delay, and mentioned I was making my prom dress. she said she thought that was cool and to send her pics (which will be posted at the end of this post) when I was done. I did that yesterday and she emailed back saying "You made that?!??!! AHHHHH!! I'm so impressed, AND you are really cute!! Good job, little lady!! I wish I had skills like that in high school. Hope you had fun at prom! My prom date was a redhead too, heehee"

it made my day. I'm not big on...I dunno...when people say they have idols...role models are ok, 'idols' weird me out. But yeah, she's definitely on my role model list - independent company and all. And super nice to boot. I'M NOT A CREEPY STALKER I SWEAR.

I just about peed my pants the other day when I went in to say hi to Amy while I was at the mall. I heard the first few chords of a song that sounded veeeery familiar and I look at the tv - it's 'Multiply and Divide' off the Soviettes LP III, that I've been listening to like crazy. I was like "I LOVE THIS SONG! WE HAVE THE SOVIETTES ON OUR DVD!!! so cool!!"

Although we have Hilary Duff and Avril on this cd too. So I guess you can't have some awesomeness without some my-ears-are-bleeding-ness.

I'm almost done editing the pictures for the massive eBay-a-thon. Unfortunately, I have massive nausea and I'm working on a headache. so I don't know if I'll actually get done with the massive-list-a-thon (I like that phrase better).

So I picked up one of Ashley's bunny rabbits to play with it...an older one that was apparently NOT socialized...and it scratched the ever-loving shit out of me. I look like an emo kid. scratches on the inside of one wrist, scratches all down the inside of the other arm and the outside of that wrist...it even got my tattoo! (which is already suffering from two bug bites, dammit). just a little skritch on my tattoo though, nothing big.

BUST sent a reader-call-out-email thing about a fashion spread they're doing, asking people to send in pictures of their clothes. I'm totally going to do that. I need to make a few shirts first though...

my job search is going ok. I've applied at Pac Sun, Lowe's, Shake's(technically haven't yet, will be turning in the app tomorrow), and someplace else I think I'm forgetting (probably not a good sign). Oh yeah, Target. Their interview took for-freakin-ever and they sent me a postcard(wtf?!) to tell me I didn't get the job. I have an interview at Jo-Ann's on Monday. It's hard, because I'll only be able to work 20-25 hours a week for the, y'know, two weeks until I get out of school...but after that, I want to be working 40 hours a week. I wish I could get some kind of 9-5 job. Maybe telemarketing. Or maybe I can weasel a bit and see if Heath's grandparents need any more help, haha.

oh yeah, pictures: (this is not the full run, because I'm lazy, and don't have all of them on photobucket also)





walking in:



picture of the back at home:



I was sooo proud and got a lot of compliments on it throughout the night.